Tuesday, May 29, 2012

video stars

Our friend Rachel included our story in her short film, She's amazing.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Last week I went in to Winnie's room to wake her up in the morning.  She said, "mom! Why did you wake me up?  I was having such a nice dream."  What was it about bug?  I said.  "My brother just came home and I was meeting him."  She smiled.


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Finally, a response

Often, I have people ask me questions that I know the answer to, but can not articulate.  It leaves me with a knot in my stomach.  A strong feeling that I couldn't express, lost at the appropriate time to share it.  Perhaps this is why I am a bit of an insomniac... typing this at 4:30 in the morning.  I get snared and tangled in my words and then spend time unwinding and straightening them out.

I came across an observation in a mountaineering book I am reading.  I went over it about thirty times in a row, realizing it is applicable to every part of my life, not just climbing Mount Rainier.  It relates to my trips to Indonesia after the Tsunami that left people nervous, our choice to adopt a child from half way around the world that we had never met, and why, in general, I don't want to "settle down" into a comfortable existence.

My security does not come from this world, and nothing here will truly offer me security.  I might avoid new challenges for the sake of an "easy, carefree life" and sit on the sidelines.  There I would be, really avoiding life itself.

"Security is mostly a superstition.  It does not exist in nature, nor do children of men as a whole experience it.  Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." - Helen Keller.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

It Can't Be Three... or can it?

I was doing my math on my fingers to check out what I was thinking.  Could I really have been a mom now for three mother's days?  that seems like you should be "old hat" at mothering by then.  It seems like you wouldn't be tempted to leave your 6 year old in the food isle that she is begging and grabbing at things in and round the corner for a minutes peace...  or reverting to sneaking myself snacks at night in my car and shoving as much cookie as I can in my mouth.  It seems like your prayers for patience wouldn't become a beg after several years... Right?  You wouldn't snatch the spatula out of your daughters hand and hastily say, "I'm going to do the rest of these, so just watch."

All the above feelings or actions, don't hold a candle to one thing.  She is sleeping soundly in my bed about 9 inches from me.  This beautiful ACTIVE in-charge girl wants to be just like her mama.  Before bed,she reminded me she loved me right after she prayed for the orphans in Zimbabwe to have parents or nannies to look after them.  She held my hand real close during worship music tonight and laid her head on mine.  She got super excited about the treat of sleeping with me.  She made me coupons for free hugs/flowers/back scratches in scrawled, mispelled letters that are better than salon gift cards or floral bouquets in my mind.

I feel like the last few weeks I am learning new things about my daughter and how to parent her well.  The challenges remind me that I am not always easy to love either.  My bad choices and hurtful words do not reflect the patience and kindness that I receive from my God. He choses to offer me grace and give me multiple chances to parent this wonderful blessing that I have been given.

This mother's day, I will proudly hold up three fingers if asked how many I have celebrated.  I am a little wiser, more realistic, more dependant on God and others, more fiercly protective, and grateful that their is one less orphan in the world, and one more mother.